10 Life Lessons I’ve Learned From my Cat

16 Jan

Cats are crazy little anomalies that we hate to love, but love nonetheless.  Look into those big, round, unflinching, always-watching eyes of theirs and I’ll bet you’ll find a hint of pity along with that dash of indifference and hearty helping of mystery.  We know nothing about them.  But they know things.  Things about us.  Things about us and life that we may never fully understand.  They’ve got it figured out better than any of us, so it’s no wonder that if we pay attention,  they can teach us a lot about life.  Next time they’re strung out on catnip, or curled up cozy on your lap, stop and think about how they’ve managed to get everything they could possibly ever want in life…something most of us are still trying to figure out!

Here are a few observations I’ve made watching my fuzzy little bundle of  big, blue-eyed joy, Bailey (above), for the last 6 years! =)

   10 Life lesson I’ve learned from my cat

1.  Always make sure you enter the room first.

There’s something to be said for making a grand entrance.  You see someone  walking at a normal pace.  You are probably walking at a normal pace.  But heck if you’re going to let anyone get through that door first, so just before they enter, make sure you speed up, and not only get through first, but also cut them off in the process.  Bonus points if you trip them.  WIN.

2.  Location, location, location.  

What used to be someone else’s favorite chair/blanket/box/suitcase/pair of pants/laundry basket/clean clothing is now covered in fur.  And your furry body.  As far as ownership rules are concerned, it’s yours now.  Done and done.

3.  The squeaky mouse gets the cheese.

Say you need or want something you can’t just take.  This doesn’t happen often if you’re playing your cards right, but say you need the door opened so you can leave.  You don’t have opposable thumbs, not your fault.  One strategy would be crying at the door, but the smarter approach might be to tear up the carpet instead.  You’ll for sure get thrown out of the room.  SUCCESS!

4.  Keep your eye on the prize.

Friendly engagements and social interactions are completely unnecessary unless you want something from someone.  Namely food.  Or attention.  Or free room & board for the remainder of your furry life? – Nah.

5.  Sometimes rest is exhausting.

Even the feline-requisite 13-16 hours of sleep a day is often not enough.  Napping is tiring, after all.  Dial it back a little there, fella, you’ve had a hard day.

6.  Always have a plan B.

If you are upset and physical aggression (plan A) just doesn’t seem to be cutting it, passive aggressive actions to property (plan B) should convey your message much more accurately.  Why simply claw someone’s arm to death when you can claw their favorite chair and leave a message that will never heal instead?

7.  Make them work for it (AKA Play hard to get)

You’re really not playing here, because you could care less if someone even exists unless you want food, but the key here is to make them think you’re doing them a favor by letting them scratch your ears.  In other words, make  them work to give you what you want.  They owe you, big time.  Now you can really stick it to them by puking all over the clean floor.

8.  Only agree to learn something new as long as you can use it against someone later.

They love you already because you’re aloof and defiant, and do nothing you’re instructed to, it’s true.  You don’t give a rat’s bum if you please anyone but yourself and seem to only derive greater power from enraged, disappointed scolding, but given the chance to learn something new, take it.  Even if it means lowering yourself to the level of getting a treat for sitting up like a dog.  Once you’ve got that trick up your sleeve, you’re golden – use it to get whatever you want, whenever you want it.

9.  Say it with a single look.

You want to conserve as much energy as possible since you’ve only slept for about 13 hours on a given day, so you can’t be bothered to communicate with anyone in an extended fashion.  Opening your trap is so much work, and even if you did, a yawn would probably be the only thing to come out anyway.  Tell them you’re annoyed that you have to hear/see/smell/acknowledge them with a single look.  Make it a doozy.

10. And finally…The one you can’t have is obviously the best one.  

Sometimes you get the bird.  As soon as you do, you no longer want the bird.  Sometimes you just can’t get that d*mn bird.  That’s the bird you want the most.  You’ll sit for hours waiting for a glimpse of that bird.  That’s likely also the bird that would peck your eyes out, given the chance.  You’re probably  going to start writing an angsty, love-sick song about that bird right now.

Love from my cat! xoxo

…He’s gonna go take a nap now.

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11 Responses to “10 Life Lessons I’ve Learned From my Cat”

  1. Jenn L @ Peas and Crayons January 16, 2012 at 2:31 pm #

    “Why simply claw someone’s arm to death when you can claw their
    favorite chair and leave a message that will never heal instead?” BAHAHAHAHA! Need I say more? This is hilarious!

    • Stacy January 16, 2012 at 3:03 pm #

      Haha, thanks, Jenn! Gotta love those kitties! =)

  2. Megan January 16, 2012 at 7:27 pm #

    I love this post!!! 🙂

    • Stacy January 17, 2012 at 7:36 am #

      You made my day by saying that, Megan, I’m so glad you enjoyed it!

  3. SRM January 17, 2012 at 11:01 am #

    Sadly, it’s all very true assuming your not locked up under the bathroom sink.

  4. GiGi Eats Celebrities January 17, 2012 at 1:18 pm #

    If looks could kill! ha ha, oh cats! Meow!

  5. Jenn January 21, 2012 at 6:43 pm #

    This is the best post I’ve seen all week.. Cat’s are pure awesomeness!!!!!

    • Stacy January 25, 2012 at 10:33 am #

      Thank you, Jenn! I owe it all to the subject matter!

  6. Rachel January 25, 2012 at 6:46 am #

    Haha, hilarious! Cats are so crazy… who knows what their true motivation is? I did a complete change of the kitty litter box last night only to have my male cat poop on the floor right outside of it. What’s he trying to say? He LIKED a messy box? He’s not satisfied by my choice brand of litter? These cats have such attitudes… Haha, you’ve gotta love them, right?

    • Stacy January 25, 2012 at 10:32 am #

      Haha! Oh man, they definitely send us mixed messages, right! =)

  7. Katy February 4, 2012 at 6:10 pm #

    Love cats….they are so…well, you said it. I loved reading this post 🙂

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